Saturday, 26 December 2015

STORY: Man Wey Dey Reason…Part 9

After i had smoked three Jumbo wraps, i walked
home with my guys. Sorry, I didn’t walk but flew
home, because i was on top of the world, flying on
eagles wings.

As i continued walking, i heard a voice spoke to
me, I turned, and it wasn’t any of my guys that
spoke. Yet another voice spoke.
The two voices now spoke together clearly for me
to hear. The following conversation ensued
between myself and the two voices:
“na me be Tramadol” the first voice said, “my
name na Igboh” the second voice said. “my own
name na Flow” i responded to the two voices
without my mouth moving.
Tramadol: Remove ur shirt.
Flow: why i go remove my shirt?
Igboh: because u be big boy.
Flow: i be big boy na, and i go remove am to show
u say i be big boy.
So i removed my shirt and singlet. I turned and saw
that Man, Snoop, Tupac, and Bigie were carried
away by the football argument they were involved
in. So they weren’t disturbing the conversation with
my newly found invisible friends.
Tramadol: pull ur trouser
Flow: why i go pull my trouser?
Igboh: because u be president of Nigeria.
Flow: i no go pull am abeg, i no wear boxers inside,
u want make people dey see my p’rick?
Tramadol: ok go control that traffic for there.
I glanced at the road and saw that there was no
traffic jam, but all the cars were moving on high
Flow: but hold-up no dey na.
Igboh: Just go control am like dat, dem go dash u
Flow: ok i go go.
I sheepishly walked to the direction of the road to
go control the traffic. I saw from the corner of my
eyes that my guys were still arguing football so
they never saw me leaving.
“hey you!! Stop there!! Hey you! move!!” i
commanded as i stood in the middle of the road.
The car i commanded to stop didn’t stop but tried
to catch break, so it made a loud screech as it
headed to my direction. I tot it had failed break.
For few seconds i found myself in the spirit world
sipping hennesey with Tupac shakur. “i don die be
dat oh” i tot.
What confirmed i wasn’t dead was when Man
shouted, “Flow that motor for kill u oh!!”.
“Baba Jay who buy dis Bread and Akara wey una
dey chop?” Snoop asked as we got home. “na
Brainbox oh” Baba jay responded. Man looked at
the direction of Brainbox and said, “Brainbox why u
wear my trouser na?”. “No vex i go soon pull am”
Brainbox responded.
Brainbox loved spoiling other peoples things and
saving his own, i hated him for that because he
had spoilt so many of my things when we were at
“MOG is Pkc not coming back tonight?” Snoop
asked. “Yes oh, he will be sleeping in the church
because he will be leading the early morning
prayers tommorow” MOG responded.
The first night i slept in the church, i concluded
that the mosquitoes there were “Holy mosquitoes”.
If you are an unbeliever and you sleep in the
church for a night, the next morning you would
surely give your life to Christ.
The mosquitoes can sting the living daylight off
you. The first night i slept there with Pkc and my
cousin Tochiba, i cried althrough the night. They
gave me a “per seconds billing” stinging, and the
next morning my skin was swollen. But i wondered
why Pkc still loved sleeping there, or were the
mosquitoes tired of his blood?.
“something is smelling like indian h’emp here, do
any of you smoke?” MOG inquired. “No oh, na that
Flow perfume wey all of us spray oh, the perfume
dey smell like Igboh” Man told a fat lie. One thing i
loved Man for was that you can’t just throw him off
guard, he had a response to every question from
his arsenal of lies. He should have been called
“LIEnus” instead of “Man”. “no, i am sure
somebody smoked amongst you guys, i sense the
smell once someone that just smoked comes
around me” MOG said. “but how do you know?”
Brainbox asked.
“dis Brainbox no get sense oh, see the kin question
wey him dey ask, if MOG com say him wan smell
our mouth nkor? Brainbox na because u no dey
smoke nahim make u wan cast us abi?” I tot.
“how wont i know, don’t u know before i gave my
life to Christ, i was the number one Man of in Poly
Nekede where i schooled, i smoked more than
chimney, i was a chain smoker, so if i come across
a weed smooker i could tell by just smelling the
person’s cloth” MOG narrated. One hearing that, i
saw Snoop moved his body a bit in other for MOG’s
weed sensitive nose not to percieve the smell of
weed emanating from his cloth, Man also did the
same. But i did not move my body because i
wasn’t putting on my cloth, “abi him dey smell
person skin sef?” i asked myself.
“that person that smokes, pls change ur ways oh,
Jesus Loves u, i pray God arrest you soon, In
Jesus name” MOG prayed. “AMEN!!!” we all
To Be Continued…
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