Monday, 13 June 2016

Welcome to Lagos: Danfo Palavas (Very Funny)


For those who’ve never been to Lagos, and those who’ve been living in Lagos, but have been ignorant to all its many glories (probably because they live the life of from house to car to office), here are some things you might see in other states, but you can never find them well objectified the way you find them in Lagos.

We have Oscar grade actors and actresses loitering the streets of Lagos.
1. Lagos passengers are very honest people.
Its in Lagos, you’ll see first hand how honest Nigerians can be. Imagine entering a bus everyday in Lagos, and there’s no conductor, everyone gathers their money and hands over to the driver, and you don’t hear any complaint from him that one naira is missing; let a driver try it in Onitsha, and he’ll see what’ll happen.
2. Banging at the back of the vehicle
If you’ve stayed in Lagos for years, and for those years, entering danfo has been your watchword, then you should be used to the shock wave this banging brings with it. Whether the bus is already moving or it’s about to be moved, there’s a high chance that one agbero from no where will bang at the back of the danfo you paid with your money to take you to your destination. The banging has a lot of meaning, from ‘move your vehicle you are blocking road jare’ to ‘common stop I want to collect my money from you’, its best to just get ready for a bang anytime.
3. Selling food at carparks, round about, and under bridges,
I am certain this doesn’t happen only in Lagos, but then, the way the Lagos own happens makes for a good reality TV show. At every round about, tiny space, carpark, under bridge, there’s always a Iya Rissi, for every branch, the woman who tends to the belle of the numerous agberos, danfo drivers, okada riders, police officers, and even some passengers who can’t hold their self till they get home. The day Iya Rissi doesn’t come to work, maybe because of her 15year old daughter caught pants down with can older man, her entire family of loyal customers will be visibly sad, weary, and very hungry.
4. That female passenger that thinks she is too fly.
Once in a while if you’re a certified danfo boarder in the great city of Lagos (congrats by the way, it’s not easy), you’re bound to always encounter Sisi Palanga, who has the best outfit and makeup in the bus, and feels too big to sit down just besides anybody. Woe betide you that you’re not wearing your Christmas shirt and jean trouser, but instead, the trouser you’ve been wearing unwashed for the past two weeks, and one smelly top you hurriedly collected from your neighbour (SMH for you).
5. Sharing a sit with the mechanic
Last but not the least, probably the next day after Sisi Palanga made serious gest of you because you were beneath her, you vowed to always put on as much Christmas cloths as you can borrow. Then it happened, the person the driver wants to pick up at the next bus stop, is a mechanic, with oil and grease all on him. You look around, and see that it’s only the sit besides you that remains. You don’t want to give the mechanic chance to enter, everybody starts to shout. The driver shouts, “shey, sit don finish for dia!”. You shout back, “yes”, but every other person shouts, “No, e still remain one”. Lobatan!!!

No comments: